Brisbane Psychologist Peter Doyle, discusses the psychological importance of letting go …
Throughout many of my new client consultations over the years, it has been significant to notice the speed at which key building blocks in people’s lives have been dramatically shifting.
Examples like relationship breakdowns, medical crisis issues (particularly cancer diagnosis), job losses and business upheaval, have all crossed my desk with increasing frequency. Naturally the personal shock and emotional drain for each client can be intense.
Fortunately an effective part of my work that has a positive impact on recovery revolves around being able to coach clients on the process of healthily “letting go”, and in so doing open up to the possibility of learning and growing through the furnace of adversity.
Everybody Faces the Challenges of Letting Go
At some stage, we all face big changes, and the challenges of letting go.
Some high profile examples of the mindset shift that can be cultivated through our “Letting Go” approach can be captured in the following three quotes:
“It is fine to celebrate the lessons of success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure” – Bill Gates
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success” – Dale Carnegie
“I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized. Nevertheless I was still alive, and I still had a daughter who I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the foundation on which I rebuilt my life” – JK Rowling
But how do we overcome the shock and devastation that a change can sometimes bring? How do we turn a setback into a stepping stone to a better life?
Here is how letting go can work for you, as part of growing through periods of adversity and life challenges:
- To “let go” does not mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.
- To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realisation I can’t control another.
- To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
- To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.
- To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
If you are finding it difficult to “let go”, please take the time to see a psychologist sooner rather than later, because the longer we hold on to unnecessary baggage, the heavier it gets. The freedom of choosing to take this weight off your shoulder is exhilarating!
I find it thoroughly rewarding to work with people like you, to help them better engage the capacity to “let go” amidst the challenges of changes and the curve balls life can throw at you.
Author: Peter Doyle, B Psych (Hons), MAPS, MCCOUNP, MCOP.
Peter is endorsed both as a Counselling Psychologist and Organisational Psychologist and has over 25 years’ experience in clinical, counselling and workplace settings, helping clients with a diverse range of personal, lifestyle and psychological wellbeing issues.
Peter is currently not practicing at M1 Psychology, find his details on his website: Guidelight Psychology.