Navigating grief can be a very emotional journey for people. Kubler-Ross and Kesler (2005) explain that it is a unique process and it often affects people in different ways.
There are 5 stages of grief, mostly linked to loss of our loved one but this can apply to other situations as well depending on the context. Grief can be associated with many situations in life such as sudden death, illness, loss of a relationship or a job.
1.Denial:
In this first stage, we are in a state of shock and denial and often go numb. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. We try to find a way get through each day. But as you proceed to the next stage, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.
2.Anger:
Anger is an essential part of the grief and healing process. There are many other emotions underlying the anger and you may need time to process all the feelings. At first, it might feel like you are lost and lacking connection to anything. Then the anger surfaces and you may be angry at someone, or a situation which could have been prevented. The anger can feel quite intense but it is also an indication of how much you loved them.
3.Bargaining:
This can happen to some people who have many “what ifs” of “if only” . There is guilt around survival as well as we mourn the loss of our loved one. We can remain stuck in the past-sometimes wanting to go back in time and change the sequence of events just so we could have more time with our loved one.
4.Depression:
This stage can be very difficult as we can feel very low or empty, lacking meaning and purpose while we miss our loved one. We can very withdrawn, isolated from others just because it does not feel the same anymore. Birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions like Christmas and other religious festivities can be very hard especially when we cant celebrate with them. It can be very intense as well and many dark thoughts may arise but it is very important to be around some safe people and maintain some aspect of your routines to ensure that you stay well and stable.
5.Acceptance
This stage is the final stage but it doesn’t mean that you are ok with what happened. It means that we are more accepting of the reality that our loved is not around us anymore and that we cant just call or visit them when we want to. We will learn to live with it and find new meaning and purpose in life. There will always be memories to cherish and we hold them close to our heart.
Every stage can be very overwhelming and may require additional support. There is no set time frame for the grief journey but it is important that you yourself and kindness and compassion as this can be very traumatic for many people. As If you are struggling and would like to explore the grief journey with the counsellor or a therapist, it is best to book in for a session to explore this further.
Author: Sharita Lobo, B Psych MAPS.
Sharita Lobo is a Registered Psychologist with over 16 years of experience in the mental health sector across Sydney and Brisbane. She works with children, adolescents, adults, and families, supporting concerns such as anxiety, depression, stress, grief and loss, trauma, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, and school-related challenges. Sharita also has extensive experience working with neurodivergent clients, including individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and ADHD, and has worked within the NDIS sector for more than 10 years.
To make an appointment with Sharita Lobo try Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call M1 Psychology Shailer Park on (07) 3067 9129.
References:
On Grief and Grieving. Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth & Kessler, David (2005). On grief and grieiving : Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Schribner.