Helping Your Child Manage Big Emotions: Tips for Parents
Children experience emotions as deeply as adults, but they often lack the tools and vocabulary to express and regulate them effectively. Big emotions like anger, frustration, and fear can feel overwhelming for both children and their caregivers.
Understanding Big Emotions in Children
Big emotions often stem from a child’s limited ability to process complex experiences. Developmentally, children may struggle to differentiate between emotions or understand why they feel a certain way. Emotional outbursts are often not a sign of defiance but a cry for help in navigating overwhelming feelings (Gottman & Declaire, 1998). As parents, recognizing the triggers and underlying needs behind these emotions is the first step in supporting your child. For instance, anger might mask feelings of fear or frustration, while sadness might signal a need for connection or reassurance (Siegel & Bryson, 2011).
Strategies for Helping Children Manage Emotions
- Model Emotional Regulation Children learn by observing their parents. Demonstrating calmness during stressful situations and openly discussing your emotions shows your child that it’s okay to feel and manage emotions constructively. For example, saying, “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m taking a deep breath,” can serve as a powerful model.
- Teach Emotional Vocabulary Helping children identify and label their emotions gives them a sense of control. Use tools like emotion charts or books to introduce terms like “angry,” “sad,” or “excited.” Phrases like “It looks like you’re feeling upset because your toy broke” validate their emotions and teach appropriate language.
- Practice Mindfulness Techniques Mindfulness exercises, such as belly breathing or grounding techniques, can help children calm their bodies and minds. Simple practices like asking them to breathe in for four counts and out for four counts can be highly effective in moments of distress (Napoli et al., 2005).
- Create a Safe Space for Expression Designate a calming corner or quiet space where children can retreat when they feel overwhelmed. Stock it with comforting items like stuffed animals, sensory toys, or drawing materials to encourage self-soothing.
- Validate Their Feelings Avoid dismissing or minimizing your child’s emotions. Instead of saying, “There’s no need to be scared,” try, “I understand that you’re feeling scared. Let’s talk about what’s making you feel this way.” Validation helps children feel understood and supported (Gottman & Declaire, 2020).
- Set Clear Boundaries with Compassion Teach your child that all emotions are valid, but not all behaviors are acceptable. For instance, you might say, “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit. Let’s find another way to express how you’re feeling.” This reinforces emotional regulation while maintaining safety.
- Problem-Solve Together Empower your child to address the root cause of their emotions by working together on solutions. For example, if your child is frustrated because they can’t finish a puzzle, offer assistance or suggest taking a break.
- Use Stories and Play Books and role-playing are excellent tools for teaching emotional concepts. Stories featuring characters navigating similar emotions can help normalize feelings and offer constructive coping strategies. Pretend play allows children to explore their emotions in a safe, imaginative way (Siegel & Bryson, 2020).
Building Emotional Resilience
Helping children manage big emotions is not about eliminating their feelings but equipping
them with tools to handle life’s ups and downs. Consistency, patience, and empathy are key to
fostering resilience.
- Encourage Gratitude: Practicing gratitude can shift focus from negative emotions to positive experiences. Create a nightly routine where your child shares something they’re thankful for.
- Focus on Strengths: Remind your child of times they successfully managed challenges, reinforcing their ability to cope.
- Provide Reassurance: Let your child know that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes and that you are there to support them.
When to Seek Professional Help
While most emotional outbursts are a normal part of childhood, persistent difficulties in managing emotions may require professional support. Consider consulting a pediatrician, counsellor, or child psychologist if your child exhibits prolonged signs of anxiety, aggression, or sadness that interfere with their daily life.
Conclusion
Helping your child navigate big emotions is a critical part of their emotional and social development. By teaching them to understand and regulate their feelings, parents lay the foundation for resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. Through patience, validation, and consistent support, children can learn to manage their emotions effectively, equipping them for a lifetime of healthy relationships and emotional well-being.
Author: Linh Nguyen, B. Psychology (Hons), M. ClinPsych
Linh is a Registered Psychologist at Vision and M1 Psychology. Her educational background includes a Bachelor of Psychological Science (Hons), and she has completed her Postgraduate Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology.
To make an appointment with Linh Nguyen try Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call M1 Psychology Loganholme on (07) 3067 9129.
References
Gottman, J., & Declaire, J. (1998). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: The heart of parenting. Simon & Schuster.
Napoli, M., Krech, P. R., & Holley, L. C. (2005). Mindfulness training for elementary school students. Journal of Applied School Psychology, 21(1), 99-125. https://doi.org/10.1300/J370v21n01_05
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Delacorte Press