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Loganholme Psychologist & Counselling Centre

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Why are values important in life?

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What are Values? 

Whilst there seems to be a million definitions out there of what values are- ultimately values are the things most important to us. Seems simple enough, yet so many of us are deeply unsatisfied and unhappy in our lives. Some people believe this is because so many of us are living out of alignment with our values, meaning our behaviours don’t match up.  

 So let’s unpack it a little more …why are values so important? 

 We develop values from a young age, they grow and shift depending on our experiences. Values become how we most aspire to be, the deep beliefs we have about the world and how people “should” act within it. When we or someone else is behaving out of alignment with our values it will irk us, grind our gears, get under our skin, it will feel that it just isn’t right.  

For example; I value honesty, and then I observe a friend lie to their partner, this bothers me despite the fact it doesn’t have anything to do with me. Another example; I value hard work, but have been relatively unproductive this past week and feel pretty awful about that because I know I could have worked harder.  

Values are NOT goals  

Values and goals often get mixed up, and yes they can be overlapped. We can & perhaps even should (not that I particularly like the word should) set goals that are in alignment with our values – we are more likely to be motivated towards them, they are more meaningful for us and thus likely to bring us more joy and sense of achievement when we reach them. However values can never be reached, they are not an endpoint that we can get to and then never have to think about them again. I have always liked the analogy of a compass – our values are like a direction we want to move in (like north), we can have stops along the way (such as goals) but we never reach north, there is always more north to be travelled.  

Why are Values important – why identifying your values is helpful?  

This is another reason I like the metaphor of a compass because when we identify what our values are (not society’s values, not our parent’s or partners’ values, OURS), we can use this to guide our actions. Even if it brings short-term discomfort when we behave in alignment with our values we are more likely to feel good about our decisions in the long term. When we consistently make decisions in alignment with our values we start to find we are building a more meaningful, authentic and satisfying life for ourselves—one decision at a time. So by having a clear idea about what your values are, you can use them in making these decisions, time and time again.  

Values in therapy – an ACT approach  

 I am a huge fan of utilising values work with clients as it is something that was very meaningful to me in my healing journey & it aids in the personalisation of therapy. What I mean by this is, that I am not telling you what you should do based on my point of view. You are guiding yourself towards what you want to do based on your values (the person you want to be, the life you want to live, the relationships you want to have). This also makes it a very culturally safe approach in therapy when utilised effectively. Getting clear on your values, and working on value-driven action is a big part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which has been shown to help a range of mental health difficulties. This is unsurprising to me as focusing on values to guide decision-making has made a radical difference in my life, leading me to a more authentic version of myself, who makes decisions I am proud of (most of the time) and with practice and consistency has been building a more fulfilling and meaningful life – Which I believe has been one of the biggest protective factors against going backwards with my mental health since being on this journey.  

Values in action 

Want to get started?  

If you are already aware of a value of yours that has come to mind whilst reading this article. Write it down. Then rate how in alignment you are currently living your life with this value (0 = not at all, 5 = completely aligned). Is there room for improvement? If yes, what is one thing you could begin to work on, that doing more of that would get you moving in the direction of this value? Even if it is just a smidge more?  

Start there. 

Need some help with this? We all need support and guidance sometimes, especially when it comes to something new. Feel free to book an appointment with me & we can get started working on why values are important for you, together. 

To make an appointment with Samantha Sheppard go to Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call M1 Psychology Loganholme on (07) 3067 9129.

 

Samantha Sheppard Psychologist Brisbane
Samantha Sheppard Psychologist

Author: Samantha Sheppard, B Psych (Hons).

Samantha is a registered psychologist with experience working with children and adolescents (and their families), young adults and adults. Samantha empowers others with their mental health using a non-judgmental, compassionate approach and particularly resonates with a social and emotional wellbeing framework.

Social Anxiety

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Most of us have felt shy in a social situation, and feeling shy can be very uncomfortable. We may react physically by blushing, shaking, or stumbling over our words. However for some people, this uncomfortable experience can develop into ongoing panic and avoidance that limit our opportunities to engage with life. For more information on social anxiety, check out this article written by Psychologist Dr Amanda White.

Anxiety in Their adult years: Is this Typical?

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Anxiety in the adult years can be debilitating.

As adults, we have much less reliance on caretakers, more stiff plans without room for mistake, as well as a lot more day-to-day concerns, all of which boost anxiety and reduce leisure and also contentment in life.

If you feel like concerns or are afraid makes it hard to focus or engage in the life you want, you may have troubles with anxiousness. Often stress and anxiety is imagined as anxiety attack; this kind of anxiousness is extreme and also stressful, however it is not especially depictive of anxiety as a whole.

anxiousness in the adult years; is anxiousness an issue

Just How Does Anxiousness Develop?
Anxiousness establishes via a mix of genetic susceptability and also experience. This experience may be individual (attacked by a spider), vicarious (seeing or hearing about someone else attacked by a crawler), or perhaps creative (seeing a movie of a gigantic arachnid attacking a city).

These factors introduce what is called active vigilance. This indicates that as the anxiety establishes, you will be “attentive” for that which you are afraid; if it is spiders, you will slowly end up being extra alert to the existence of crawlers in any type of room you go into, or for serpents, a rustle in the grass might establish your heart beating quicker.

From here we see stress and anxiety create in three ways: physical arousal, thoughts and also behaviour.

Physical signs of stress and anxiety might be deep, hefty breathing, quick heart price, trembling and sweating for an anxiety attack, although you might notice your heart defeated faster, nausea or vomiting or butterflies as well as a migraine for lower worries.
Ideas that arise with anxiousness are normally “I ca n’ts” which weaken your self-confidence as well as rise the physical concern you feel, and the “suppose” which catastrophises concerns as well as possible poor events.
Lastly, we see avoidance practices, whether this is not getting in an area with a crawler, taking the staircases as opposed to the elevator, or perhaps sending a text or email rather than a phone call.
All of these symptoms of stress and anxiety are connected, each making the various other worse. When you really feel physical stress and anxiety you persuade on your own you “can’t cope” and really feel a solid wish to get away the circumstance. In return, these thoughts enhance physical stress and anxiety and avoidance, and avoidance keeps the anxiety via raised physical signs and symptoms in the scenario, and even poorer confidence in one’s self.

Without therapy, symptoms of stress and anxiety frequently raise and become anxiousness disorders, where life is significantly influenced by concern.

Kinds of Stress and anxiety
Generalised Stress and anxiety Disorder is qualified by relentless, extreme worries that might be impractical. Generalised anxiousness is often based upon “what happens if” in the future, such as enjoyed ones ending up being ill, or otherwise having the ability to locate your travel luggage on the carousel after leaving an airplane. You might also find yourself worrying about just how much you stress!
Social Anxiety Problem becomes apparent with intense fear of social and/or efficiency situations, where the anxiety is of ending up being humiliated, embarrassed or judged. People with social anxiousness may agree to social involvements with buddies, come to be delighted, and terminate in the nick of time, speaking themselves out of the event at the same time.
Particular Anxiety is an extreme, persistent, as well as impractical fear of an object or scenario, such as spiders or lifts. Phobias usually begin discreetly as a disapproval, rising to complete blown anxiety in time, where the anxiety ends up being so extreme the individual may not also be able to see an image of their fear without panic.
Panic Disorder is seen with unforeseen, frequent panic attacks, with ongoing bother with having added anxiety attack, or anxiety of adverse wellness consequences of having anxiety attack. Anxiety attack are discrete periods of extreme anxiety causing symptoms such as quickly, deep breathing; rapid heart rate; light-headedness; sweating; trembling; queasiness as well as frustrations.
Obsessive Uncontrollable Condition is qualified by persistent, unwanted thoughts or “obsessions” which result in high anxiety, and/or practices to reduce intense stress and anxiety. These recurring behaviours or mental acts, such as monitoring, washing or counting, are called “compulsions”.
Message Traumatic Stress Disorder establishes adhering to involvement in or experiencing a terrible occasion. Intrusive ideas, flashbacks and also headaches adhere to, in addition to evasion of reminders, emotional numbing and also anxiety signs and symptoms.
Change worry right into activity idea, vivid words on blackboard

Therapy for Anxiousness
Among one of the most effective treatments for anxiousness is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). CBT has exceptional outcomes for anxiety, and each aspect is specifically targeted for the physical stimulation, thoughts and behavior, offering a comprehensive treatment technique for successfully beating fear as well as maintaining self-confidence and gains gradually.

Utilizing CBT, the physical symptoms of anxiety as well as panic are decreased making use of targeted relaxation training; disastrous ideas as well as extreme, unrealistic fears are changed using cognitive restructuring; as well as helping you live the life you want through direct exposure therapy for avoidance symptoms.

Worried About Your Teenage Daughter?

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parenting tips: surviving your teenagerWhatever happened to the sweet-natured, biddable little girl that you knew and loved so well?

And why does she have all those piercings / use so much eyeliner / never want to do anything with the family any more?

In her place is a moody girl/woman, desperately trying to assert her rights one moment, but needing cuddles and reassurance the next.

We have a number of psychologists and counsellors, experienced and sensitive to the issues that may trouble teenage girls and their parents.

Please visit http://adolescentmentalhealthcounselling.com/for-parents-of-girls/ for encouragement and ideas to support you through this challenging time!

Are you socially anxious?

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For many people with social anxiety, just the thought of being around unfamiliar people or the possibility of embarrassing themselves is terrifying. This feeling of dread often leads the person to avoid those situations. Although this reduces the anxiety in the short term, it only further reinforces their fears about not being able to cope.

If you, or someone you know would like help addressing social anxiety, call 3067 9129 for an appointment.